I Cried and Cried In My Car Today

 Written-  11/19/2018 

I don’t know when or if I ’ll ever get the courage to publish this blog post. While I’m transparent with many things in my life, there are things that I keep to myself. I realized that I put on this facet that being an entrepreneur is easier than it indeed is. The truth is- it’s fucking hard and there are days I feel like giving up and just continuing with real estate. Today, was one of those days.

 

 

I woke up early this morning with the intention of having a great day. I woke up at 5:30 am, showered and told myself I was going to be in a better mood than I was yesterday. You see, I have been stressed out about finances, but I’ll get to that.   I took my daughter to the airport to spend Thanksgiving with her Dad in Virginia. I planned to have a great day and earn some cash Lyfting.  Yes, for those of you that don’t know, for the past month I’ve been Lyfting a few days a week.

 

After I dropped my daughter off, I headed to the Lyft queue. It’s a waiting area at the airport for all of the Lyft drivers. Truth be told, after my first experience there last week I swore it off and said I would never go again. I had sat there for 4 hours before getting a ride because there were 79 drivers in the queue. Trust me, had I known it would take four hours, I wouldn’t have done it.  However, after sitting there for two hours, I had too much skin in the game and stayed.  Today since I was already there, I checked the queue and there were only 43 drivers. With it being just a couple of days before Thanksgiving, I thought for sure it would move fast. Besides, I needed to make a dreaded call to the IRS, so I figured that would eat up most of my waiting time.

 

I pulled in the waiting area. Got situated and called the IRS. While I was on hold, I prayed. My prayer sessions consist of writing letters to God in my journal. I’ve been feeling stressed and off for a while now. I keep falling in a pattern that I can’t seem to shake. So I prayed about it. I asked God for clarity, guidance, and understanding.  When I was finished writing my prayer, and after thanking God for everything I do have, I felt so much better. Like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

 

After a half hour of being on hold; the IRS finally picked up the phone. The woman working for the IRS on the other end of the phone was pleasant. This isn’t so bad, thought to myself. I have put this call off for four years. Yes, I was calling to deal with 2014, taxes. Let’s just say I owe them a pretty penny. Entrepreneurs, pay your taxes quarterly. If you don’t want to go through all the shit I have THREE times. Ya, I’m that girl that doesn’t learn her lesson the first time on anything!

 

  I was on the phone with the lady for what seemed like forever; she wanted to combine the amount I owed with the amount my husband and I owe from last year to keep it simple. We had to patch my husband in on three-way, only to find out he was thrilled with the idea of combining.  It turned out, she couldn’t do it and transferred me to another department where I was on hold for another 30 min. At this point, an hour and a half had gone by.  My call with the second lady only took 30 min. We scheduled my payment plan on what I owed for 2014 without having to combine.  Whew.. Ok, that’s done! However, my feelings were still slightly hurt, and I was a little angry from some things my husband said. He had sent me a very lengthy text message, and I started to reply in a way my “old” self would have answered. I, however, caught myself. I took a deep breath instead. I listened to Gary V and added music to my playlist in an attempt to keep a positive attitude. I looked t the clock and 3 and half hours had gone by. WTH!! I thought, followed by- well I’ve been here too long to leave. With my current financial situation, my goal was to drive until I made $500. So, I calmed myself down. Finally, I was number 10 in the queue. Whew… I started my car and was like ok.. it won’t be long now. I waited patiently for my phone to go off to tell me I had a ride and nothing. I was still number 10 in the queue! Come to find out, my phone froze at some point, and I must I have lost my spot in the queue. After all, was said and done, I had sat there for 4 hours and 38 minutes! I felt defeated and devasted. I turned my app off and cried almost the whole way home.

 

 As I drove towards home, I cried and cried, I had a pity party for myself. Why can’t I catch a fucking break I thought. It was now 12:30 and I was starving. So, I did the very opposite of what I would recommend anyone do and went to a drive through and ordered food. I came home, turned on The Real House Wives Of Orange County, shoved chicken fingers and coke down my throat. I finished eating and sat there a minute and thought… What the fuck are you doing? So I got myself up turned my Lyft app back on and waited for a ride. I gave a couple  short rides and said to myself “ Today, just isn’t the day for this.” I then got a text from my son informing me they won't be coming over for Thanksgiving because his girlfriend wants to cook for her brother and sister.  So, it looks like it’s just my hubby and me for Thanksgiving because my youngest son is with his dad as well. So much for the Turkey I bought, I thought to myself. I headed home feeling slightly sorry for myself again.

 

 

When I got home, I put on tennis shoes and went for a walk while I listened to Crush It, by Gary V. The sun and the motivation flowing to my ears was just what the doctor ordered. The fact that I had spent 6 and half hours of my day, trying to Lyft and only making 20 bucks, no longer bothered me.

 

I came home, and here I am. Here’s the thing. Even though I am a Life coach, I still have bad days. Also though I am a relationship coach, my marriage isn’t always filled with rainbows and butterflies.

 

Why am I sharing this with you? Because I want to share my story. We often hear stories about how entrepreneurs struggle, but we don’t hear it until they’ve made it.  I’m here to tell you; I haven’t made it yet. I put my real estate license on hold to work on my passion and help women end the cycle of unhealthy relationships. It’s what I know, and it’s my passion.

 

However, trying to put it out there to the world and letting them know it is what I am good at- is a bitch. I know it’s what I’m supposed to do, so I can’t give up. I won’t give up, but some days it's fucking hard.

 

I gave up a career that gave me a decent living because it wasn’t my passion and it exhausted me mentally leaving me with no energy to focus on my coaching business.  I Lyft because when my shift is done, it's done and I need something to make money to help me grow my coaching business.  While it’s not glamorous and some days suck ass, it doesn't deplete my energy as real estate did.

 

The Moral of the story...

 

If you have a dream, don’t let the hard days cause you to quit. I am learning that Gary is not kidding when he says you’re not going to make money for a long while, and you are going to have some tough ass days working for yourself. However, if it’s indeed your passion; don’t quit!!! Find something to help you move past the tough times when you feel like giving up!

 

 

You’ve got this!!!! And so do I.

 

 

   

 

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