It's 6 am as I sit here and write this. I just finished up my morning routine of praying, journaling, gratitude, and reading. I pause and look up at my vision board, where I see my goal of being fit and slim enough to wear the gym shark leggings with a cute sports bra. I also am looking at all my other lovely "goal" work outfits, and the fit- couple working out. Oh! And let's not forget the Valentino's. I have manifested the Valentino's, the problem they are still sitting pretty in the box because I told myself I would wear them when I get to my "goal" weight. Here's the thing, when I made this vision board that I look at, I was 205 pounds. I now weigh 211.
Yesterday, I ate two pieces of leftover pizza for breakfast and chased it down with a New York Rootbeer seltzer water. If that wasn't bad enough, at lunchtime, I finished off the last two pieces of pizza with a side of Cheezit Snaps. Just call me the Queen of self-sabotage.
Why am I sharing this with you and putting my business on the world wide web? Because maybe, just maybe by doing this, I will get out of my damn way and inspire someone else to do the same.
For the record, I don't make yesterdays eating choices a daily habit, but I do it often enough that the scale is going the opposite way. However, truth be told, when I am not eating crap, I overindulge on healthy food. in short, I eat way to fucking much! And now, I sit here irritated with myself that my stomach sticks out farther than my booty! Huston, we have a problem, and that problem is me. Anybody else with me?
If you are like me, you probably tried every "lifestyle" change in the book. Keto, Vegan, Paleo, and then you tell yourself, this is stupid, I am just going to eat "clean" and eat less, and workout five days a week. The day you decided this or any lifestyle change for that matter, you feel all in! You are ready to go, enough is enough, and you tell yourself you will be in a bikini by next summer. "This is it this time!" you say. " This time" may last a week, or it may last five months. The point is it doesn't last.
You can try all the diets, the shakes, the meal plans, but if you aren't there mentally, none of that matters. For example, I know what to eat. I know what works for my body and doesn't. I know how to workout. I know it all! However, there is a vast difference between " knowing" and " doing."
So here I sit telling myself enough is enough, this is it this time! I tell myself, I am a certified life and relationship coach, I am not supposed to be in this position! Here's the thing, I am human. And if there is one thing I know, it's that we don't change until we get to the root of the probably. We don't change until we've hit rock bottom. We don't change until we are truly tired of the vicious cycle. Am I there yet? I 100% "feel" like I am, but I have been here before many times! I feel like by sharing my journey with you that it will hold me accountable.
If I am 100% honest, I have attempted this show before. You know, wanting to share my weight loss journey online. I posted a picture on Instagram, along with my story, but I only left it up a couple of days and then deleted it.
I call myself The Woman Unstuck. Why? Because I have unstuck myself from love addiction, smoking cigarettes, and PMDD. All of which are tremendous accomplishments. However, what I have discovered about myself is that there seems to be a transfer of energy that takes place. I unstick myself from one thing but attach that negative energy elsewhere. Right now, it's my weight and my work.
Long story short, I am still on the journey to getting unstuck! Who wants to join me for the ride?