Online Dating 101

We live in a world where we are slaves to our little handy dandy mobile devices. For many, checking their phone is the first thing they do in the morning and the last thing they do before going to bed. Some people can’t even put the damn thing away while driving. The guy in the black Jeep driving down the interstate in front of me yesterday was one of those people. He was in the fast lane, going 50 mph. When I finally got around him I saw he literally had his phone in front of his face; he was facetiming or recording a video! What the hell, dude? Lastly, next time you go to the airport, the DMV, a bar, a pool or well, almost anywhere really, look up from your phone and take note of how many people are on their phones! It’s honestly a sad sight to see because people don’t talk to each other anymore.

Ok… Enough of that, this post isn’t about mobile phones. This post is for all my single friends out there in the world looking to meet the love of their life, the one, their soulmate. In a world that is mobile phone driven how do you meet people? Using your phone of course! What a concept.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, you can still meet people the old fashion way if you put your phone down and mingle while waiting at the DMV,  the pool, the airport, etc. If you can find someone that isn’t on their phone that is! However, some people are too busy swiping left and right or checking Facebook, so they miss out on that one who could have potentially been their “one” sitting across from them.

Chances are if you’re single in today's day and age you are online dating, have tried it or plan to try it.  Based on conversations I’ve had with single friends, the general public and clients I hear a lot of complaints about online dating.  They give me a plethora of reasons it doesn’t work and/or why they don’t like it:

There’s nothing but perverts online.

They didn't look like their photos.

They lied about their age.

They stood me up.

They just want sex.

No one emails me.

No one responds to my emails.

I get too many emails from people I am not interested in.

I liked him/her, I thought it went well, but they never called again.

They smelled like cigarettes (their profile said they didn’t smoke).

We have been emailing back and forth for weeks now, and they haven’t asked to meet!

 The list goes on. Here's the thing- there is a method to online dating. How do I know this? Because I started online dating back in the AOL chat room days. I have a lot of experience, like, A LOT, and I went through a ton of trial and error through the years. I, however, figured the shit out and I am happy to say I met my husband on Match.com. So, without further ado, I am going to share what I’ve learned first-hand about online dating. Are you ready??? Let's do this!

Love and Be Happy with Yourself Before You Even Entertain the Idea of Dating.

In my opinion, this is where most people go wrong because not loving yourself will lead to all of the other things I touch on below. So many women and men search for someone to provide their happiness. You have to be happy with you! You have to love yourself for who you are. I’m not judging you, because I used to be you! I thought that finding the perfect man would be the answers to all of my problems. I was wrong. Very. Very. Wrong.

How do you know if you love yourself?

• Your happy days outweigh your sad/stressful days.
• You lift others up, not knock them down. People that aren't happy with themselves talk about others because it makes them feel better about themselves.
• You’re comfortable in your own skin.
• You are proud of what you do for a living, you don’t feel the need to justify what you do.
• You have the ability to listen and not just talk about yourself. People that only talk about themselves, the material things they have and how wonderful they are, are not happy people! It’s an act, my friends.
• You don’t over eat or under eat and you get some sort of physical activity a few days a week.
• You are content being alone.
• You don’t need to be around people 24/7, you like to spend time with yourself on occasion. The flip side to this coin is that you don’t isolate yourself.
• You practice self-care.
• You don’t worry about what others think.
• You don’t have an alcohol, drug, eating or love addiction.

This list could go on and on, but those are some basics. If you are not happy with yourself, start working on it. Learn to love you! Start reading books, listen to a podcast, surround yourself with positive people that inspire you. Talk to a therapist or hire a life coach. Do things that make you feel good and make you smile! It’s a journey, but once you love yourself your whole world will change.

Love yourself? Ok, good. Let’s carry on. Seriously, don’t move on until you really are happy with you!  Take the time to work on you, no matter how long it takes.

Pick Your Platform:

Now that you're ready to date what are you looking for? Are you just looking to “hook up”? Hey, I don’t judge. I get it.

Maybe you are just looking to casually date. Not hook up, but not looking for anything serious either.

Maybe you are tired of sleeping around, tired of the dating and ready to settle down.

It is very important to know what you want because this will help you pick your dating platform.

Hook up: Tinder, Friend Finder X, POF and OkCupid

Casual Dating: TINDER, Bumble, POF, Match, Zoosk

Looking for the One: Match, Zoosk, EHarmony,

Mature Daters Looking For The one: Coffee Meets Bagel, Our Time, Match, EHarmony

Honestly, you can most likely hook up on any of them. And, there are those few people that met their significant other on Tinder, but it’s very rare. So, if you have been searching for the one on any of the sites in the first category above, you may want to switch your platform. Look, online dating is no different than anything else, you get what you pay for.

Next up...

Don’t False Advertise. Be Honest In Your Bio!

Post pictures that look like you. Don’t post a bunch of airbrushed selfies that don’t look like you. Ladies, I am sorry, but you know when you take a selfie at the perfect angle with the perfect filter, it may make you feel good, but honey a majority of the time it doesn't look like you! If you want real love, you want them to fall for the real you!

My recommendation- post lots of pictures. Yes, you can post one or two of the selfies, but post real photos, makeup, no makeup, and ladies post a few full body shots! Recent full body shots.  If you are not able to truly represent yourself, you are not ready to online date! If you are too ashamed to post a full body shot this means you don’t love yourself!

Being honest isn't just about the photos… Be honest all around. If you don’t like sports don’t say that you do! If you don’t work out, don’t claim you do! If you don’t hike, don’t say you do! If you smoke, be honest and say you’re a smoker!  You guys, it's imperative that you are honest if you are indeed looking for a relationship, aka “the one”. Why? Let me give you an example. If you claim to love football because you think it will attract more men, then guess what? You better genuinely love football, because if you don’t you’re going to be miserable a year in, bitching about how every Sunday you have to watch football! If you don’t like hiking you’re going to be bitching that all he/she wants to do every weekend is a hike!  So, just be honest and don’t false advertise!

Remember if they don’t fall for the REAL you, it’s not going to work. I know, I know you think if you reel them in with false advertisements they will fall for you once they meet you in person! NO NO NO NO! The complete opposite will happen, they will have no respect for you and run like the wind, leaving you wondering why they never called for a second date.

Keep It Classy:

• Don’t post photos in lingerie and, unless you are on a beach, on a boat or at the pool, don’t post photos of you in your bikini.
• Puckered lip selfies. For the love of God ladies, quit doing this!  

Let's keep it simple. If the photos look like they should be in Playboy or Penthouse Magazine, don’t post them. Unless you are just looking to get laid, then, by all means, post all the Playboy style photos your heart desires.

And now for a random list of my recommended “do’s and don’ts” when online dating.

1. Use recent pictures. No more than a year old...

1. Don’t waste a lot of time emailing back and forth. I did this once thinking I was really going to like the guy. When he finally called he sounded like more of a woman than I did! So, if there’s interest, talk on the phone right away.

1. Be interested. No one wants to sit on a date and talk to someone that just sits and talks about themselves. Make sure the conversation is double-sided.

1. If you’re looking for the one, don’t fuck on the first date! Chances are all you will ever be is a fuck. Maybe more than a one time fuck, but a fuck nonetheless!  I know some of you have slept with your hubbies and wifeys on the first date and it worked just fine. However, for the most part, this never works. So if you like him... LADIES, DON’T DO IT!!! Not on the first date. If you become the “booty” call for him, once he meets someone new that’s a fresh or better fuck, or maybe someone he actually wants to start a relationship with, you are done! He will toss you like a hot potato, leaving you feeling used and heartbroken.  Sound familiar? Maybe even a pattern? Stop fuckin’ on the first date!

1. Learn how to properly read a profile. You don't want to waste your time on bad dates or with men who just want to sex! Example: If they have multiple photos of their toys on their profile, then NOPE, don't go there! If you’re just looking for sex, go for it. When men post photos of their house, boat, cars, and motorcycles without them actually being in the photo, guess what? They are not happy with themselves! Which means chances of a relationship working with this type of guy is slim to none.

1. Only email the guy with the shirtless bathroom selfies if you’re looking to hook up. Chances are that’s all he's looking to do. Being proud of your body is one thing, but a secure man that is proud of his body will not take these types of photos and post them as profile pictures.  Just sayin’…

1. This might sound shallow, but we like what we like. If nice choppers are important to you, make sure you ask for a photo showing the pearly whites!

If the guy you are interested in has a hat on in every photo, ask for a photo without the hat or ask to facetime him and then ask him to take his hat off. Again, this sounds bad, but you may not be attracted to the way he looks without the hat. You don’t want to waste your time if you’re not attracted. So, don't be shy, ask up front!

Gentleman, if the ladies have no full body shots, ask for one. Better yet, ask for a facetime conversation!

8. Remember that some people are not photogenic and may look better in person. For instance, my husband looked a million times better in person than he did his photos. So, if someone meets your criteria, but you can’t tell if you’re attracted or not, go meet them!

9. If you’re looking for a relationship and not a hookup, don’t meet someone at their house or let them come to yours! This isn’t safe anyway. Always meet in a public place. Coffee is a great first date.

10. BE YOURSELF. Don’t be afraid to eat, don’t feel the need to be anything other than you! Seriously. This is an important one and guess what? If you truly love yourself you will not have a problem with this.

That’s all for now folks. I hope you found this information useful. If you would like more help, I do one on one coaching and I have a dating 101 internet class coming soon! If you email me expressing your interest, you will get 20% off the course!  [email protected]