Let’s talk sex… shall we? Better yet- let’s talk about the “lack” of sex in your relationship. Go grab a glass of wine or a cup of coffee because it’s about to get real! Are you ready? Ok, let’s do this… (if you have a great sex life, you can carry on- unless you want to just read for the fun of it)
Over the years I have had several conversations with different men and women who are displeased with their sex life. The sad part is that instead of fixing the problem, people resort to affairs, divorce, or just settle for an unsatisfactory sex life which in turn leads to other issues. You guys, there are so many people living life with a miserable or mediocre sex live because they just don’t communicate. We use the excuse that we don’t want to hurt our significant other’s feelings, so we say nothing. How is that working for you?
Gentlemen- let’s start with you. Here are the biggest complaints I hear from men:
“She never wants to have sex”
“The sex is boring; she just lays there”
“It’s like pulling teeth to get her to have sex”
“I don’t even bother anymore”
Guys- this is frustrating; I 100% understand. Instead of getting frustrated and doing things you shouldn’t be doing, let’s analyze the situation because if she was boring in the beginning, I am sure you wouldn’t have made it this far. I mean, that’s an age-old joke, right? Move in, get married and the sex begins to decrease significantly.
There are several things that could be going on here. Some of the common culprits of your woman not wanting to have sex with you are as follows:
- You are not providing her pleasure. To be concise… SHE DOESN’T HAVE THE “BIG O” when you guys have sex. (would you want to have sex if you weren’t?)
- The sex lasts 5 min.
- She thinks you’re boring.
- Guys- snuggling up behind us in the bed with your little surprise rubbing against our buttocks, does not constitute as foreplay.
- Romance is dead… Yes- we still want to be wooed!!!
- Not making time for her, but making time to watch sports, play sports or sitting on the couch watching TV and then wanting to come to bed and get laid… Yeah… no- that does not work for us.
Gentlemen… I can’t speak for all women, but most of us like sex, just as much as you do! Why do you think women go nuts over Fifty Shades Of Grey?(and other books/movies like it) Chances are when she comes home after watching a movie like that, you’re getting laid. But then reality sets in and she didn’t get “Fifty Shaded”. So -you’re back to square one.
Ok ladies, the gentlemen have had enough…It’s your turn.
So here’s the thing- if your man doesn’t know that he’s not satisfying you, you have to tell him! I know there are lots of thoughts formulating right now:
“I shouldn’t have to tell him- he should have enough common sense to know”
“OMG… I could never tell him that- it would hurt his feelings”
“No point in telling him, he’s not going to do anything about it”
Ladies, if you want a happy relationship, most importantly want to be satisfied, or for lack of better words “get yours too”, then you must speak up. Choose your words and your tone carefully when expressing this to your significant other, but do it!!! If you work 40 hours a week and come payday you don’t get a pay check- you would have no problem speaking up. We have no problem “speaking up” when we have a honey-do list. So… why not speak up when it comes to something that can make or break your relationship?
Maybe you are getting the “big o” but it’s become very boring and routine. So, create excitement or again “speak up”. Talk about it- let him know that you are BORED. Not saying a word about it and having “obligatory” sex is not going to go very far and you will continue to live in misery and turn into a “B Girl” (read my “B Girl” blog post to find out what a “B Girl” is) and it’s all downhill from there. Men want to feel wanted and appreciated just as much as we do. When we deny them sex or act as if it’s this monstrous chore, we do the opposite and make them feel unwanted.
We all want to feel desired and sexy and have great sex! So- communicate with your spouse and make it happen. Have date nights again- sex outside of the bedroom or even the house for that matter. Don’t skip the foreplay and get creative! Need a mood booster? Throw a Fifty Shades type movie on.
Communication goes a long way; pair that with the willingness to make things right and you will experience a total shift in your relationship.
Again, I am not a therapist, nor do I claim to be. I speak solely from past experiences and from others sharing their experiences with me.